"Parenting lesson for the day: if you feel strongly about providing opportunities for your kids to make choices, you sometimes have to be okay when they come home with a Dora backpack." Chris Miller
My grand nephew Henry struggles with autonomy!
He finally wins, but doesn't look too happy about it.
Meanwhile, brother Finn enjoys making himself an afternoon snack.
~Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering, "What the hell happened"?~
~Cora Harvey Armstrong~
~Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.~
[Anonymous. However, I think I've said this a million times!]
~ The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~
~Helen Hayes (at 73)~
~I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. ~
~Janette Barber~
~Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. ~
~Lily Tomlin~
~A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.~
~Carrie Snow~
~Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.~
~Laurie Kuslansky~
~My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. ~
~Erma Bombeck~
~ Old age ain't no place for sissies. ~
~Bette Davis~
~A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. ~
~Rhonda Hansome ~
~The phrase "working mother" is redundant. ~
~Jane Sellman~
~Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.~
~Jennifer Unlimited~
~Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ~
~Charlotte Whitton~
~Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.~
~Caryn Leschen~
~I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.~
~Jennifer Unlimited~
~If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. ~
~Catherine~
~When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! ~
~Kathy Buckley~
~I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde. ~
~Dolly Parton~
~ If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. ~
~Sue Grafton ~
~I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. ~
~Roseanne Barr~
~When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.~
~Elayne Boosler~
~Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. ~
~Maryon Pearson~
~In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.~
~Margaret Thatcher~
~I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. ~
~Gloria Steinem~
~I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. ~
~Zsa Zsa Gabor~
~Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.~
~Eleanor Roosevelt~
~Ask a man to do a task - he'll hire six men, call a conference, call for pizza, go to Home Depot for tools and equipment, then take a week to complete the "project".
Ask a woman to do the same task and she'll have the drain unclogged in half an hour.~
The boy was new to my Primary class of nine-year-olds. He didn't say much, but continued staring at me throughout the lesson. Finally, at an inappropriate moment, he said, "Are you wearing your pajamas?"
[NOTE: I usually wear a peasant blouse and skirt to church to cover my rolls of fat--no tailored, fitted clothes for my big body.]
It's February 1st and 16 degrees where I live. Sorry, I'm still in hibernation and I'm usually a bear when I wake up. Do not disturb until the temperature is in the 40s. Thanks.
These wonderful insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
~~Mark Twain~~
"She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success - wrong by wrong."
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
~~Mae West~~
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
~~Oscar Wilde~~
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
~~Winston Churchill~~
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...
if you have one." ~~George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one."
Winston Churchill, in response.
George Bernard Shaw
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
~~Benjamin Disraeli~~
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
~~Clarence Darrow~~
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
~~Groucho Marx~~
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." ~~Billy Wilder
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " ~~Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." ~~Forrest Tucker
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."~~Samuel Johnson "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." ~~Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." ~~John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." ~~Irvin S. Cobb
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each.
Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and as he passed the pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but never take a pretzel.
This went on for more than 3 years. The two of them never spoke. One day, as the young man passed the old lady's stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel lady spoke to him.
Without blinking an eye she said: "They're 35 cents now."
I support President Obama one-hundred per cent and think we need to give him time to turn-around eight years of horrible executive policies. The economy needs TIME to recover and I hope, believe and dream that it will.
Yet there is the other side of the coin:
The Economy Is SOOOOO Bad....
How bad is it?
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
And finally...
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $11.5 Trillion disappear!
Oh, quit groaning!
I don't write this stuff.
I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you.
Can't eat fish, heavy metal poisons in their waters.. .
Can't eat fruits and veggies, insecticides and herbicides. . .
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!! M M M M M M M M M M M I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!!
Remember - - - 'STRESSED' spelled backwards! is 'DESSERTS'
Share this to four people and you will lose 2 pounds Ignore it and you will gain 10 pounds immediately! That's why I had to pass this on - - - - - didn't want to risk it - - - And I wanted to put a smile on your face.
