When Insults Had Class

These wonderful insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words:

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

~~Mark Twain~~

"She's the kind of woman who climbed the ladder of success - wrong by wrong."

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

~~Mae West~~

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." 

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

~~Oscar Wilde~~

 

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

~~Winston Churchill~~

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend...

if you have one." ~~George Bernard Shaw
to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one."

Winston Churchill, in response.

George Bernard Shaw

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

~~Benjamin Disraeli~~

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

~~Clarence Darrow~~ 

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."

~~Groucho Marx~~

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." ~~Billy Wilder

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. " ~~Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." ~~Forrest Tucker

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." ~~Samuel Johnson
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." ~~Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." ~~John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." ~~Irvin S. Cobb